


The Very Secret Diaries

by blktauna



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Humor, M/M, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1648232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blktauna/pseuds/blktauna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hour by hour tally of the Nowhere Affair</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Very Secret Nowhere Affair diary of IK.


    The Very Secret Nowhere Affair diary of IK.
    
    Hour 1
    N. off to desert to retrieve secret map. I am not. V. good as desert bad for
    complexion. 
    
    Hour 4
    Silly N. captured again. Why is he CEA? Uncle A. says he took amnesia drug.
    V. bad as he didn't remember anything before.
    
    Hour 10
    Off to desert to rescue N. V. fun as I get to drive big dirty jeep in dust.
    V. excited as I may get to blow something up. V. happy as I have excellent,
    form fitting outfit. Cannot wait for N. to see me in it.
    
    Good supply of sunblock. V. useful for things other than blocking sun.
    Looking forward to post mission grease up.
    
    Hour 12
    Met old man with smelly mule. V. excited as he has many explosives. Put mule
    in back of jeep as it was too slow. Old man babbles more than N. Did get
    secret map from him. Go me!
    
    Hour 13
    Old man actual fount of knowledge. Found Thrush secret lair. V. Easy. Well
    known abandoned mine not most creative hiding place. V. happy to see full
    amount of old man's explosives. Will make big bang.
    
    Hour 13.5
    Laid much explosive in cavern. Exit will be glorious.
    
    Hour 14
    Found N. in evil scientist's room. V. pleased with N. reaction to outfit. Or
    was it gun. Not sure. N. seems distracted. N. wants to save some girl.
    Stupid Girl!
    
    Hour 14.5
    V. unhappy to see girl. Most clingy and annoying. N. not paying attention to
    me. Maybe can trip her in cavern and blow her up. Will ponder this.
    
    Hour 14.75
    Firefight most satisfying. All Thrushies dead. Girl would not cooperate and
    get in front of gun. Must resort to plan B.
    
    Hour 15
    V. excited by exit through cavern. N. wasted too much time and fuse ran
    short. Did get to dive out of cave mouth last. Total destruction of cave.
    Concussion dulled hearing. V. good as girl yaps as much as N.
    
    Hour 16
    V. angry with N. Paying more attention to blond bimbo than to me. Feel sulk
    approaching. If I am not happy, no one will be happy.
    
    Hour 16.5
    Sulk in full swing. N. does not notice. Sulk may develop into fury. V. good
    Uncle A. is here or would not be responsible for actions.
    
    Hour 16.75
    Uncle A. makes annoying girl take mega amnesia drug. Go Uncle A! Slam water
    glass down in front of girl. N. now notices snit.
    
    Hour 17
    Girl shipped off with Uncle A. N. promises fun in Las Vegas as apology.
    Still sulking. 
    
    Hour 20 
    Made N. forgot annoying girl's name. Most intrigued by alternate properties
    of sunblock. N. now totally into me! Still prettiest! Go me!


	2. The Very Secret Nowhere Affair diary of NS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the same from Napoleon's view.
    
    
    Hour 1 Off to desert to retrieve secret map. Why isn't IK going? I'm CEA
    not errand boy. V. excited though as this is opportunity to tan
    
    Hour 4 Dusty drive bad for outfit. Can not tan while covered in grime.
    V. annoyed.
    
    Hour 5 Surrounded by Thrush agents. Mission blown. Stupid Thrush. Must
    swallow amnesia pill to foil their evil plans.
    
    Hour 13.5 Came to myself after fondling 36 snub nose. Why does this
    remind me of IK.? Say who is this blonde girl? IK will kill me if he
    finds out anything.
    
    Hour 14 IK comes to save me! Go Me! What a charming form fitting outfit.
    Must compliment him later. He thinks it the gun I admire. Silly boy.
    Doesn't he understand discretion?
    
    Must save nice blonde girl. She reminds me of someone but not sure who.
    
    Hour 14.5 IK looks annoyed. Can not figure out why. Looks like he is
    trying to trip girl in cavern.
    
    Hour 14.75 Firefight most satisfying. All Thrushies dead. IK could not
    get girl in line of fire. Bet he will resort to plan B.
    
    Hour 15 IK led our escape through cavern. Just because he knows the way
    out doesn't mean I do. Tried to force me to lead. Silly boy. He knows
    how I don't like to! Blond Girl took over for me. V. relieved. IK most
    happy as he got to dive out of cavern mouth just as explosion let off.
    V. annoyed as he claims he can't hear now. Likely story.
    
    Hour 16 Must get girl settled. Uncle A. should be on way. Still can't
    figure out who she reminds me of.
    
    Hour 16.5 IK seems annoyed. Can not imagine why. Blond girl most
    attentive. Wish IK would take lessons. Uncle A. giving her options. Did
    not pay attention as still trying to figure out what to tell IK later
    on.
    
    Hour 16.75 Uncle A. gives blond girl mega form of amnesia drug. V. happy
    as now there will be no witnesses for IK to drill. Surprised by IK
    banging glass on table. On closer look can see IK in full snit. Must
    find out what I will be apologizing for.
    
    Hour 17 Uncle A. takes charge of nice blonde girl. Now she is settled
    can coerce IK into little Las Vegas trip. Still trying to find out
    problem.
    
    Hour 20 IK enthralled by Las Vegas decadence. Mirrored room V.
    entertaining. Most intrigued by alternate properties of sunblock. IK.
    now totally into me! Still prettiest! Go me!


End file.
